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Jokes Jokes Random Funny Stuff Anger management really works...
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out
on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't
know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and
dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I pleasespeak
with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the
right *#%&(& number!" and the phone was slammeddown
on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When
I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I
found that I had accidentally transposed the last two
digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the
phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his
number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I'm paying bills or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're
familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly
called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into
a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and
pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit
the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that
spot,but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign
in his back window which included his phone number, so
I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first
asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought
that I'd better call the BMW asshole,too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can
see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a
yellow house, and the car's parked right out in
front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time t o catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added
his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"Hello." "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a
yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had
better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and
hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "IfI ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance.I'm
coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and
that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going
down on Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray.
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating
the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars,
an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works...
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