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WAL-MART APPLICATION
***Old People Rock! *** This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: George Martin SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman ...
Wale Pun
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, ""Lets both swim under th ...
Warning! Virus Alert!
Warning! Virus Alert! The following viruses have been recently reported! BOBBIT VIRUS Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attachs it. (But that part will never work again.) OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, ...
Wedding Night Confessions
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, ""Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."" The startled ...
Westminster Dog Show
A breeder named Patti receives a free ticket to the Westminster Dog Show from the premium dog food company. Unfortunately, when Patti arrives at the Garden she discovers the seat is in the last row in the corner of the Garden-- she is closer to the Ex-pe ...
What gender is a computer?
A college English professor was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as ""she"". One of the s ...
What was in the prince's pants?
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because o ...
What was in the prince's pants?
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because o ...
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who Should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking ...
Who needs a Dog?
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it... Then buy a dog. If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want Then buy ...
WHY AM I MARRIED?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, ""Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"" ""Yes, I am. I married the wr ...
WHY GOD MADE PETS
They help out around the house... They protect our children ... They look out for the smaller ones ... They show us how to relax ... They "converse" with each other They help you when you're down ... They are great at decorating for the Holida ...
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good. #9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. #8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot. #7... Foursomes are encouraged. #6... You can still make money doing ...
Wife 1.0
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are furth ...
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and Neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs. The husband asked sarcastic ...
Wishing Well
A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns. The guy says, ""Wow, it really works.""
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Women and Farts
Q: Do you know why women can't fart? A: Because they can't keep their mouth shut long enough to build up pressure!
Women and Wedding Cake
They discovered a food that stops women from wanting sex -- wedding cake.