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One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. As they were cuddling later, Pinocchio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So, he asked her, “What’s the matter, baby?” Pinocchio’s girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, “You’re probably the best guy I’ve ever met, but every time we make love you give me splinters.” This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice from his creator, Gepetto. When Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto could tell that something was wrong and asked Pinocchio what was the matter. As Pinocchio revealed his dilemma to Gepetto, Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to “smooth” out Pinocchio’s relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way. Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore umed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchio’s problems. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, “So Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls,” to which Pinocchio replied, “Girls, who needs girls?”

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