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Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
It was so cold last winter.
(How cold was it?)
It was so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Q: What's the safest way to render a lawyer unconscious?
A: Smash him on the head with the toilet seat while he's drinking water.
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a pig?
A: Nothing, there are some things that a pig just won't screw.
Q: What do you call a sinking cruise ship with 5000 lawyers aboard?
A: A good start.
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