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Longer Jokes puns, anecdotes
Find and submit the best jokes here! Puns, disses, anecdotes, sayings, adult, dirty, phone, blonde jokes, telephone teases & more. Whether it be tasteless, medical, pranks, insults, pickup lines, ethnic, wedding jokes and more.
THE HAZARDS OF OVER-INDULGENCE
THE BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON LIQUOR BOTTLES TO WARN DRINKERS ABOUT THE HAZARDS OF OVER-INDULGENCE. 1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. 2. WARNING: consumption of alcoho ...
Gravity-Defying Tequila
A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done t ...
Tree Hugger
A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the b ...
The Three Buddies
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, ""When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, ""I would like to h ...
Shopping Wal-Mart - this one stinks
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on. She says, ""Excuse me, Sir, can you tell me anythi ...
NEW Euro-Language policy
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Govern ...
NEW computer Viruses To Watch Out For
Here's some more Viruses To Watch For... PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software. O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it. BOB DOLE VIRUS: Coul ...
the NEW Stress Diet really works
------Stress Diet------ Breakfast *1/2 grapefruit *1 slice whole wheat bread *8 oz. skim milk Lunch *4 oz. broiled chicken breast *1 cup steamed zucchini *1 Oreo cookie *Cup herb tea Mid Afternoon Snack *Rest of the package of Oreo cookies *1 quart
Never Trust A Sailor
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, ""Look, you've got a lot to live for. I' ...
The Farmer and the Kid
There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. ""Hey kid!"" the farmer says. ""Where ya goin' with that wire?"" ""Well,"" the kid drawls, ""thi ...
The Bar-Hopping Monkey
The Bar-Hopping Monkey A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off of the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats ...
Wedding Night Confessions
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, ""Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."" The startled ...
3 Wishes
An anthropologist was in a cave when he found a lamp. He thought he saw something engraved in the lamp so he began to wipe off the dust. All of a sudden, a genie appeared and exclaimed, ""I'll grant you 3 wishes. However, your mother-in-law will get do ...
Soviet Condoms
President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!"" the Russian President cried. ""My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"" ""Boris, the American people would be happy to ...
Deep Thoughts Contest
Deep Thoughts Contest --From a newspaper contest where entrants were asked to imitate ""Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"" HONORABLE MENTIONS: My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat ...
Don't Always Trust Medical Advice
There was this guy who would come too soon. So he heads to the doctor and asks for help. Doctor says, ""No problem, next time you are going at it and start to lose control, startle yourself, then get back to it, and repeat as necessary."" The next day ...
The Cure for Exhaustion
A teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from a member). A sma ...
3 Wishes with a Catch
One day, a man was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. ""For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes,"" ...
Tonto Goldstein
A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is so nervous, and he soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right n ...
The Blonde and a Rabbit
A man was driving along a highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover ...