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YOU'RE PROBABLY A REDNECK IF ... (part 2)

Fname

Luke Duke

Owner

Jeffy

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Clean

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long

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YOU'RE PROBABLY A REDNECK IF ... 87. Your participate in the ""who can spit tobacco farthest"" contest. 88. You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year. 89. Your consider a three piece suit to be a pair of overalls, a plaid shirt, and thermal underwear. 90. There is a sheet hanging in your closet and gun rack hanging in your truck. 91. You think the mountain men in ""Deliverance"" were ""misunderstood."" 92. You've ever made change in the offering plate. 93. If the fifth grad is referred to as ""your senior year."" 94. You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and your left arm below the shirt sleeve. 95. You own at least 20 baseball caps. 96. You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball cap. 97. You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head. 98. When you run out of gas, you put moonshine in the gas tank. 99. Your biggest ambition in life is to ""git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round out yonder, back a Bubba's barn."" 100. Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them. 101. When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not. 102. Your have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is! 103. Your gene pool doesn't have a deep end. 104. ""Honey, are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?"" is what you hear right before you and the wife make love. 105. Your huntin' dawg cost more than the truck you drive him around in. 106. You'd rather catch bass than get some. 107. You have a Hefty bag for a car convertable top. 108. Your belt buckle weights more than three pounds. 109. You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed. 110. You have an Elvis Jell-O mold. 111. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers. 112. You have been to a funeral where there were more pickups than cars. 113. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace. 114. You just bought an 8-track player for your car. 116. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard. 117. The theme song to your high school prom was ""Friends in Low Places."" 118. It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it. 119. You think that John Deere Green, Ford blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors. 120. You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor. 121. Your idea of talking during sex is ""Ain't no cars coming, baby."" 122. Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray. 123. The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men. 124. Yer ma calls ya over to help because she has a flat tire ... on her house. 125. The ASPCA raids your kitchen. 126. You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco. 127. Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle. 128. You can't get married to yer sweetheart because there's a law against it! 129. You celebrate groundhog day (because you believe in it.) 130. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado. 131. You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something. 132. A sign that says ""Say No To Crack"" reminds you to pull up your jeans. 133. You have to move more than one old mattress out of your front yard to get your new car up on its blocks. 134. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town. 135. You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey. 136. Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck. 137. ""Buck Naked Line Dancing"" isn't a videotape, it's Ladies Night at the local bar. 138. Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock. 139. You dated your daddy's current wife in high school. 140. You're always moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing ""I Will Always Love You."" 141. Dolly Parton reminds you of the Grand Tetons. 142. You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item. 143. Your momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. 144. Your dawg rides in the cab of your pickup and your wife rides in the back. 145. The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection. (Your insurance man is one too if he pays you for it.) 146. You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson. 147. You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. 148. You've ever hit a deer with your car ... on purpose. 149. Your can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub. 150. Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events. 151. You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree. 152. Exxon and Conoco have offered your royalties for your hair. 153. Your dad is also your favorite uncle. 154. The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. 155. Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. 156. On your job application under ""SEX"" you put ""As often as possible."" 157. During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together. 158. You're a lite beer drinker because you start drinking when it gets light. 159. On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor. 160. Your parakeet knows the phrase ""Open Up: Police!"" 161. You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting. 162. In tough situations you ask yourself ""What would Curly do?"" 163. Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. 164. You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are ""Gentlemen, start your engines,"" or ""Play Ball!"" 165. Your child's first words are ""Attention K-Mart shoppers."" 166. Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toe Red Wings. 167. You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood. 168. You bring your dog to work with you.

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