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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a ""BABE"" or a ""CHICK"" - She is a ""BREASTED AMERICAN."" 2. She is not a ""SCREAMER"" or a ""MOANER"" - She is ""VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."" 3. She is not ""EASY"" - She is ""HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."" 4. She is not a ""DUMB BLONDE"" - She is a ""LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."" 5. She has not ""BEEN AROUND"" - She is a ""PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."" 6. She is not an ""AIRHEAD"" - She is ""REALITY IMPAIRED."" 7. She does not get ""DRUNK"" or ""TIPSY"" - She gets ""CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"" 8. She does not have ""BREAST IMPLANTS"" - She is ""MEDICALLY ENHANCED."" 9. She does not ""NAG"" you - She becomes ""VERBALLY REPETITIVE."" 10. She is not a ""TRAMP"" - She is ""SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."" 11. She does not have ""MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS"" - She is ""PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."" 12. She is not a ""TWO-BIT HOOKER"" - She is a ""LOW COST PROVIDER."" HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a ""BEER GUT"" - He has developed a ""LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."" 2. He is not a ""BAD DANCER"" - He is ""OVERLY CAUCASIAN."" 3. He does not ""GET LOST ALL THE TIME"" - He ""INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."" 4. He is not ""BALDING"" - He is in ""FOLLICLE REGRESSION."" 5. He is not a ""CRADLE ROBBER"" - He prefers ""GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."" 6. He does not get ""FALLING-DOWN DRUNK"" - He becomes ""ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."" 7. He does not act like a ""TOTAL ASS"" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."" 8. He is not a ""MALE CHAUVINIST PIG"" - He has ""SWINE EMPATHY."" 9. He is not afraid of ""COMMITMENT"" - He is ""RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."" 10. He is not ""HORNY"" - He is ""SEXUALLY FOCUSED."" 11. It's not his ""CRACK"" you see hanging out of his pants - It's ""REAR CLEAVAGE""

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