FuneMail

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!! Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart. I didn't know that angels could fly so low! I have only three months to live. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? Somebody needs to write explosive on you, cuz your the bomb! Something tells me you're sweet. Can I have a sample? Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine? Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ass! If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater. Really like your peaches and I wanna shake your tree. Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across! Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa? If you were a booger I'd pick you first. Do you like clocks? (if yes) put two hands and a face on this. (pointing down) Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some? Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!!! Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool? I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on? I lost my virginity. Can I have yours? Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Excuse me.....Hi, I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if Icould interview you... Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special. Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit! You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine. Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend? Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! Do you believe in love at first site, or do I have to walk by again? Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants. Hi there, do you live on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise cocks! The word of the day is ""legs."" Let's go back to my place and spread the word. Do you sleep on your stomach? (When she say's no) Well, Can I? What do you say we go back to my place and play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the heck out of me! Want to play lion? (She asks, ""What's that?"") That's where you get down on all fours and growl like a lion while I feed you the meat! Walk up to a girl who is standing and say, ""You look tired, let me clear you off a place to sit"" then wipe your face. Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long! I know where there is a good party. They've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear. Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice. First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button. I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between ""F"" and ""CK"". Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be? I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat? I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some? If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down. If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays? Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better? Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh. Did you know that I saved a girl's life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?

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