Good One Liner Quotes

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More Jokes - Silly Fun

“Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’ ” ~Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. ~Alex Levine I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~Mark Twain

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. ~Rodney Dangerfield

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. ~Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal