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Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills ====================================================== A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head ====================================================== A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. ======================================================= The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. ======================================================= A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain. ======================================================= Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. ======================================================= A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour. ======================================================= Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message ""He's lying"" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the ""lie detector"" was working, the suspect confessed. ======================================================= When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested. ======================================================= A Los Angeles man who later said he was ""tired of walking,"" stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop. ------------------------------------------------- When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ""Yes, but is it the God the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"" Driving in Texas (Exam Answers) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the Texas Department of Public Safety's driving school (read Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying ""Guns don't kill people. I do."" Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car. Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too s#!t faced to find your keys. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave ""hello"" if he/she is cute. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be a d!@khead all day long. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Some Boeing employees stole a life raft from one of the 747s on the production line. When they took it for a float on the Stilliguamish river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They no longer work at Boeing. -------------------------------------------- Three dumb blondes go into a bar and tell the bartender ""three martinis please"". They raise their drinks and toast ""to 51 days"". The bartender raises his eyebrows. The blondes order another round of drinks and again toast ""51 days"" The bartender says ""what's with the '51 days'?"" The dumb blonde says ""it only took us 51 days to finish the jigsaw puzzle, and it said 2-4 years on the box.""

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